Posted by: clearspaces60 | August 31, 2017

Closets! Closets! Closets!

With all due respect to Modern Family, right now, many people across our country and around the world have lost everything they own due to natural disasters, war and other forms of violence.  This destruction and the toll it takes on the human psyche often leads me to wonder why we are so inundated with ways to organize, declutter, rearrange and store our possessions.  Why do we crave order?

Order keeps us sane, it gives us something comforting to hold or hang on to.  We organize supplies, food, volunteers and troops.  When you see footage of refugee camps or evacuation centers, you see the longing for order and space.  Women sweeping the dirt floor of a tent, parents organizing the space within their blankets and cots and people naturally forming lines.  It is inherent in most of us.

My last blog post was about organizing closets.  After I posted it, a friend from church contacted me asking for help organizing and downsizing.  When I arrived at her house and saw her closet, I couldn’t believe it.  Her walk-in closet was a dream!!  Nothing was on the floor or looked out of place.  We even had the same black felt hangers.   What could she possibly need from me?  I had no idea so I went about my same process; I asked her what she wanted to do first, what was bugging her the most and what seemed the most overwhelming.  She told me that her dresser was full of clothes she didn’t wear and there were clothes to put away, but no room.  She also had a pile of socks on her dresser.  In a couple of hours, she had four bags to donate, we matched up all the socks leaving her with  room in her drawers and a clear dresser top.  She did what most of us do, she told me the story of her clothes and why she bought them, who gave them to her, when she wore them, why she still had it and was able to talk herself into letting things go.  She was a dream to work with.

What could she possibly need from me?  She needed me to give her permission to stop and take the time to do this for herself.  This freed her of the burden that was weighing down her mind and heart.  She knew what to do and how to do it, she just put everyone and everything else first.  We know this is not uncommon.

As we take better care of our possessions by using or releasing them with gratitude,  plus relieving the internal burdens of constant thoughts and lack of action,  I believe we are contributing to a more peaceful world.  At the same time, when we deeply understand that it could all be destroyed in minutes, our love and reverence for our friends, family and everyone else soars.

How will organizing your closet help the world?

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Posted by: clearspaces60 | June 22, 2017

Embracing the Resistance

At the beginning of this year, I made a commitment to myself and to my blog followers, to post on the 11th of each month as a minimum.  I have failed to do so these last two months.  Is anyone clamoring for me to keep this promise?  Not really, unless you count the mean-spirited editor voice in my head.

You know that voice, the one that chastises you for not keeping your commitments and then doubles down by telling you that you have no business writing, no one wants to hear from you anyway.  Nothing you write is good, it’s all crap.  Perhaps your voice talks to you about a different subject, but I think the theme song is the same.

Over the years I have quieted down this voice to a mere annoyance, realizing that it is part of the human experience, as most of my friends deal with the same thing.  As far we know, animals to do not deal with this. From birds to whales, I have never seen one look conflicted or distraught or hesitant to act or express themselves.

This year I wanted to focus more on the calling of my Soul.  What is it that I want to do?  How do I want to treat my physical body? In what ways can I express myself more creatively?  I decided to spend a cumulative hour nearly every day in spiritual practice, physical exercise, visualizing, writing, creating and whatever else feeds these questions.

A collective 60 minutes is my goal.  I have had some success with this practice along with acknowledging myself for things I did accomplish or situations that I dreaded but faced anyway.  I learned this technique from Rhonda Britten’s book, Change Your Life In 30 Days.  It really helps combat that voice.  But as I kept up both practices, this voice kept getting louder and louder, thoughts, fears and beliefs from my whole life would pop up.  Stuff I thought I had healed, resolved or at least was aware of and had dealt with in some way.  I do know that this is Shadow work (thank you Debbie Ford for The Dark Side of the Light Chasers) and that you are never done with it.

However, it became quite intense on May 11th, the day I had committed to post on my blog, and my grandmother’s birthday, she would have been 105.  I was missing her terribly that day and all the wonderful qualities she possessed and modeled without every criticizing or belittling me.  She worked hard, sometimes held two jobs while taking care of my dad and grandfather, often along with other relatives. She was organized but not a perfectionist.  She may not always have had everything she needed, but she used everything she had.  She was a great cook and handled the bills and paperwork.  She also marveled at the choices and opportunities that her granddaughters had and supported each of us in her own way.  Then I remembered something else, she was always amazed and appreciated the way I would organize her closet after she was no longer able to do so. I would say, “Grandma, your closets were always neat and organized, I must have learned it from you.”   I have helped a few other people with their closets and I love it.  I am not a professional organizer, I feel like I approach it in a different way, with fun and feeling!

All that day I was thinking, you need to post something, anything, it doesn’t have to be great, just check in, tell everyone what is going on with you.  Why is this so hard? I have a great life, I was under a self-imposed deadline.  What was up with all the procrastination and self-sabotage?  Well that voice was on rapid fire with its list of things I was– lazy, ungrateful, selfish, procrastinator, failure, daydreamer, fraud, loser, weak, pathetic, and was not– successful, writer, blogger, organized, educated, knowledgeable and had anything worthy to say.

I have spent a great deal of time lately unraveling the guilt and lack of self-worth that came on full force that day.  It has been healing and revealing because as you TRULY focus on what your soul is calling you to do, the resistance comes on just as strong.  But this resistance is not something to battle, it is something to embrace and comfort.  I don’t know whether it is your inner child, shadow, ego, psycho or a demon you possess, but being kind and compassionate is the key.  Loving this voice and embracing its strength, conviction and tenacity not to mention its complete lack of procrastination and changing its messages to what you want to hear is absolutely worth the work!

Posted by: clearspaces60 | April 19, 2017

Living with the Questions of Clutter

There is a famous quotation by Rainer Maria Rilke that invites us to “live the questions”.  I love this quote and it pops up in my life from time to time, last week it showed up three times.  To me that is a sign to write something about it. What to write? I had to wait for the answers.

I received this e-mail this morning and it touched my heart. https://unclutterer.com/2017/04/18/saying-goodbye-musical-instruments/#comment-260866

Unclutterer is a great website, has a FaceBook page and you can receive e-mails notifying you of their posts.  There is a book that I have not read-yet, several bloggers, all professional and, well- dare I say it, organized.  I wanted to respond to this post this morning but thought, who I am to tell this guy what I think he should do?  Even though he did ask for feedback.  All day long I have either been cleaning the house or paying bills or sorting through and filing paperwork.  I also wanted to write a blog today, but wasn’t sure I had time.  The response to this blog and creating my own blog post have been simmering along all day.

I finally looked at the comments to his post and as I suspected they were varied.  I was not surprised to find a deep emotional connection to musical instruments.  I think this is a global feeling as music is in all of us.
Here is my comment:

“I agree with a few of the others, you are not ready to decide yet. I have a couple of friends who attended Berklee which means you are extremely gifted and talented. Since you cleaned out your basement, maybe you can set up your drums and sit behind them once in a while. Do your children know about this part of your life? If they do and they aren’t that interested, maybe your talents skipped a generation.

We have many musical instruments in our home that see little use, but I believe that this kind of thing comes in cycles. I have a close friend who plays violin, but she set hers down for well over 10 years, she plays the same very expensive violin, but now she plays for the joy and passion and her love of music. I have two friends who have baby grand pianos that are being “borrowed” by two different churches. So the church situation is a possibility. I also have a friend who was a drummer for years, he does not play very often, but when he does he is awesome and his son is now a professional drummer.

This is NOT clutter, this is history, the present and perhaps your future or someone else’s in your family. I strongly suggest that you give this some time, live with this question for a time.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke”

Now I certainly can see where my comment needs some editing, but when you are in the moment and afraid if you hit the return or enter key at the wrong time and your words will be posted before you are ready, I chose to speak from my heart and release it.

Whether it is releasing my words or releasing clutter, we must live the questions.  There is not one right definition of clutter.  Spouses, siblings, parents, children and friends can certainly attest to this when working on designing or organizing a space.  What helps us when we are working with someone else is asking those questions and not assuming the answers will come immediately.  We must honor that something may be important to another person whether we understand or agree with them.   If this is important to you or them, brings up strong memories of joy with the possibility of more joy, then let’s sit with it for a designated period of time and see what answers come to us and come through us.

 

Posted by: clearspaces60 | April 11, 2017

Time to Begin Anew AGAIN!

Between the Pink Moon, Passover and Holy Week, the reminders of a new season, freedom, liberation and rebirth are limitless. Opportunities for a fresh start, a new way of living, and pursuing our desires seem to be everywhere.  We have several obvious reminders during the year beginning with New Year’s Day, the current Spring events and the new school year in the Fall to start over.  We know we can start over at any time, in any moment, but many of us look forward to some sort of grand event thinking that this time it will be different.  Too many of us vow to begin again, Next Monday.

What are we waiting for? What are we looking for? What are we dreaming of?  I made a commitment to myself to post on my blog on the 11th of each month at the very minimum.  Imagine my surprise last night when I was putting the date on a piece of paper and thought, Oh Shit, tomorrow’s the 11th!!  It’s not that I don’t want to write for my blog, I love writing for my blog but so many other things get in the way and I don’t always manage my time as well as I could/should/want to/need to etc.

I have been doing a couple of things differently this year.  Although I can easily assist another person in organizing their shit treasured possessions, doing that for myself is often draining and overwhelming.  I battled this for decades and had an epiphany several years ago.  I turned this around and embraced the fact that when you are emotionally involved or your livelihood depends on the situation, then asking for help is the healthy thing to do.  Just like you should not edit your own writing, you cannot always be objective about yourself or your shit stuff.  Once I stopped fighting this belief, things flowed.

Last month, I hired a dear friend to help me declutter our kitchen and it was worth every cent.  The work went faster than I ever imagined, my family answered all her questions when sorting items, she saw things that were too close for us to observe and she did a lot of the work as well.  Emptying cabinets, dealing with shelf paper that either would not stick or stuck so well we could not move it and going to different stores with me to purchase items that would work for us.  Her objective eye was a true gift.

I also started working on a better way of organizing our business and personal files for this year, even though I have containers of archives to sort and purge.  Keeping current now and getting help with the older files is a new and different way for me.  It has relieved a burden of thinking that all that past stuff had to be done first.  Why did I think that?  I don’t really know! But being present in the present makes more sense to me.

I spend a great deal of time managing our money, both personal and business and it got me thinking about budgets and spending plans.  Do I do that with my time?  Do I consider it as valuable?  Do I consciously choose how I spend it?  Does the guilt of wasted time serve me in any form or fashion?  How can I approach budgeting my own time?  How many times can I begin anew, again and again and again?  Honoring my commitments to myself is a good place to start. See you May 11th if not sooner 😊

Happy Pink Moon! Happy Pesach! Happy Easter!

Posted by: clearspaces60 | March 11, 2017

What Do I Do Last?

I have been wrapping my head around this question. Not “What do I do first?” but “What do I do last”?  I flipped it around when I felt like I had more to do than time to do it.  Not an uncommon feeling for many and getting started can be difficult, so I began with the ending.  Like visualizing how you want things to be or feel, seeing a project completed or feeling great about a party you hosted, you focus on the end result and prioritize from that point.  But what would be my last step or action? Why did it appear that looking at a problem from this point would help?

I decided to apply it for a couple of weeks and see what happened.  My first situation was creating a budget for our monthly bills and calculating how much money we needed.  We own our own business and take salaries and sometimes distributions.  I wanted to deposit enough money into our account to pay the entire month’s bills but I also had bills to print and a couple of weeks of mail to open. When I first get the mail, I tend to only open things that are urgent or extremely important. I asked myself, what is the thing I will do last?  Open all the mail was my answer.  This seemed counter intuitive because that is usually the first thing I get caught up on. Yet the more I thought about it the more it made sense.  This usually creates a pile of paperwork, recycling and shredding, not to mention the bills that are emailed to me that I need to print.  Since I create a budget everything month in Excel, I decided to estimate payments I did not know for sure and if necessary, search for one or two envelopes for a specific  statement.  I was able to figure out what we needed, make the deposit and pay the current bills while the neat stack of envelopes stayed that way until I could focus on only that task.

The next opportunity to ask myself this question came about when I decided that my husband and I would host a lunch in our home for my visiting sister, our family and friends.  Getting the house clean, decluttered and ready for feeding many guests can be time-consuming and exhausting.  My husband was doing the shopping and cooking which he loves to do. Getting the house ready and clearing off our dining room table which I use as a work space was mine to do.  What do I do last?  Many things came to mind, more like a list of things that I would like to do if I had the time.  That really wasn’t the question.  For example, I thought about getting fresh flowers and putting them in a few vases and rearranging the bookshelves so they looked open and highlighted certain books or displayed items like all the designers tell us to do. Wake up!! These were dreams! The last things I would do came to me so that I would not have to do them more than once or took very little time. I would vacuum, clean the bathroom and set out the plates, utensils, serving dishes and wine and water glasses.  This end result planning helped me manage my time better and see the house ready for guests.  I wasn’t redoing any cleaning or vacuuming and it all was finished with time to spare. It all came together in a beautiful way and we had a lovely afternoon with a house full of people.  Dreams do come true! Two of them brought me fresh flowers!

In the past few weeks, I have used this question to get me through a couple of piles of filing, working on pulling information together for our upcoming tax appointment and even with laundry.  Washing and drying what takes the shortest time to the longest time works when I am in a time crunch, but when I am doing one or two loads a day, having a load of sheets or towels or items that need to be hung up or lay flat to dry doesn’t really make a difference in my schedule.  What works for you? What do you want to do last? See the end result and find out if working from this vantage point gives you a new perspective.

Posted by: clearspaces60 | February 11, 2017

2017-How Is Your Year Going?

Here we are on February 11th as promised.  I find that my list of aspects I would like to attain-both tangible and abstract – is changing daily and sometimes hourly.  The climate of our country and the world, both political and environmental, is changing faster than I can keep up with. (OK Grammar Police, help me with that sentence). What actions can I take?  How can I be heard? How can I make a difference in the lives of others?  All good questions requiring thought and contemplation. More on this as our year unfolds.

Back to my previous post, I wanted to walk several times a week, that has not happened.  I asked myself Why?  I was sick part of the time, it rained some of the time, I was really busy and oh yeah, I just plain procrastinated.  Yet I asked myself, was there anything I did around physical exercise or health that was better than before?  Well, yes there was.  My other desire to subtract items that do not inspire joy and beauty in our home resulted in a great deal of physical effort to move, sort, box up, bag up and clean.  I filled our porch for the donation truck and gave some items to friends and family.  I also realized that I had been walking a lot more when I went out or went shopping, parking farther away than usual for a longer walk and I was standing a whole lot more when I was working or cleaning or talking on the phone. I cleared a few spaces, shelves, drawers, and reorganized a few areas.  Nothing big, but I can see it. Not perfect, but a little progress.

Building on these ideas and desires, I now want to add focusing on our business as corporate and personal taxes are due in March and April.  In an attempt to boost my energy around this, I started reading a book that I have had for at least a decade but have never read, how it landed on the top of a pile of books is serendipitous because I swear I have not touched it in years.  Visionary Business by Marc Allen.  I am about half way through, it is more of a story, like Richard Bach’s Illusions, (one of my all-time favorite books ever) AND it says that on the back cover. It is exactly what I need in this moment.

My other desire is to write more often, keep a better schedule and blog once a week.  Lofty goals, as I have had them for years, but putting them out to the small masses that read this feels like a promise to myself first and foremost.  And a promise to those that support me in my writing.

Let me hear from you about your quest to add your desired aspects, goals, desires and dreams and to subtract what you do not love, use, need or no longer serves you.  Here’s to seeing you next week!

Posted by: clearspaces60 | January 11, 2017

What A Year! What’s Next?

Let’s return to December 29, 2016 – Two hours before my writers group

 This year is nearly over, the rest of today and two more full days. What a year it has been! The tragedies, Acts of God and Acts of Man, the blessings, Acts of God and Acts of Man, the loss of humanity, the birth of new souls.  How do we embrace or release all we may have experienced personally?  There may be infinite answers to this question but one I will continue to give is – Do Away With Resolutions!

Whatever you want to change about yourself or your life, add or subtract, transform or destroy, resolutions are not the answer.  If you really think they are your answer, then why not change today and not on January 1st or 2nd?  How about beginning, ending, changing, adding or subtracting whatever it is; habits, thoughts, routines, schedules, meals, exercise, organizing, decluttering, procrastination, laziness, apathy, stuckness – on an hourly, daily, weekly or monthly basis.

What can we give ourselves now instead of the self-destructive habit of, “Let me get through (fill in the blank), then I can work on (fill in the blank).”  Current example I have heard numerous times over the past month, from my own lips as well, “Let me get through the holidays, then I can think about getting new kitchen countertops and a sink in the coming year.”  The very thought of thinking about that now brings up already mounting decisions about money, projected income, bills, debt, loans, taxes and all that needs to be done by year-end which is Saturday!!  Yes, we need to get this work done, budget for it, plan it out, but not today!!  I know some of you are with me on this.

What can I give myself now?  I struggled with this question because is it fear, procrastination, avoidance, evasion, limitation, overwhelm or exhaustion? Most likely some of each, please let me know if you have other answers.

I realized I could give myself permission to accept where I am and not feel guilty or pressured to think about and deal with everything that needs to be done, planned, thought about, discussed or researched.  I know there is no such thing as multi-tasking and my brain can only do one thing at a time, even if my attention shifts for a second.  My body can multi-task, thank heavens!, but my mind can only focus on one thing at a time, there is research to back this up, I promise you.

With permission granted, now what? I do want to make changes for a better now, tomorrow, next month and all through next year.  What can I do differently that supports me in this quest?  How about identifying these aspects-tangible or abstract and write them down in a free-flowing stream of consciousness fashion.  No categories or editing!!  Then, what if I chose one to focus on each month, and if things go well, maybe one or more will happen!!

Now once a month, that gave me pause, I certainly know myself well enough that this is not going to happen on the first of each month.  What would work for me? I was born on the 11th and I do love that number so maybe I will mark that on my calendar each month and check in with my list and myself and give it a try. I will select one thing on January 11, 2017.  See you then if not sooner.

Happy New Year! May 2017 bring out the better angels in each of us!

Today is January 11, 2017

 I choose to post on my Blog on the 11th of each month with my current additions and/or subtractions.  This month I am adding walking several times a week and subtracting items that do not inspire joy and beauty in our home. I will keep you posted on my progress.  I would love to hear about yours too!

 

Posted by: clearspaces60 | December 17, 2016

Can’t Fail Christmas or Fudge

Right now, nearly every woman I know is at least a little stressed about Christmas.  It comes with the territory every December.  Yesterday I realized that pre-Christmas is like the movie Groundhog Day.  Why do we vow that next year will be better, easier, more organized, we will start sooner, we will plan better? Some of us have been doing this for DECADES and are in the same boat every year.  How can we be kinder to ourselves?

First let’s take a deep breath and actually exhale it.  Second, let’s take a minute or two to write down a short list of things we would love to do this holiday season.  Third, do any of these things match the list (that I know you already have made) of what we believe we must do?? Fourth, can we incorporate two or three Loves into the Musts?  Fifth, and this one can be a little rough, can we feel our feelings as memories rise up, happy or sad, celebratory or tragic?

It’s December 17th, Christmas is one week from tomorrow and we have not started decorating.  We had new window coverings installed in three rooms yesterday and are nearly done remodeling a bathroom that has needed a redo for almost 6 years.  My husband and I decided to get all this done before company comes for Christmas!   Oh, and we took a long-awaited trip to Napa for five days at the beginning of the month.  Every one of these things is a blessing yet the guilt still crept in.  As long as things are “good enough” on Christmas Day, which they usually are, then why can’t I Let Go and Let God?

As I walked myself through this process, I mightily exhaled.  I love to make fudge, play Christmas music, and have our home feel Christmassy without feeling obligated to put our every single decoration we own. I would love to watch my favorite Christmas movies with my husband a glass of wine instead of frantically wrapping gifts while listening to the dialogue.    Can I incorporate these into my schedule beyond the cleaning and rearranging and shopping that Must be done?  Yes, I can if I set my intention and focus on my love of beauty, comfort and joy.  I  realized that many past Christmases were surrounded by illness, surgeries, accidents and death.  Events happen and we dearly miss people.  If we don’t feel our feelings, then all hell can break loose when you least expect it.  Being emotionally healthy is the biggest gift we can give ourselves.  And let’s be honest, except under the most extreme situations, when have we ever failed at Christmas?

Now on to the fudge.  My mom found this recipe when I was a teenager and I have been making this fudge for about 40 years now! It is easy to make and is delicious. I  often get rave reviews, one from woman who told me she was a judge at the County Fair and is now one of my best friends.  (One of these summers I will get my act together and enter it into the competition, hmmm, a future blog post.)

Can’t Fail Fudge

  • 4 Cups              Miniature marshmallows(Fresh from the store, not stale from your                                                                                 pantry, I know you)
  • 2/3 Cup            Evaporated Milk
  • ¼ Cup               Butter/ half a stick                 
  • 1 ½ Cups              Sugar
  • ¼ teaspoon         Salt
  • 12 oz./1 Bag       Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
  • 1 Teaspoon         Vanilla Extract
  • ½ Cup                  Chopped Nuts (optional)

 Combine marshmallows, evaporated milk, butter, sugar and salt in a saucepan over medium/medium high heat.  Cook and stir until mixture comes to a full boil.  Boil for 5 minutes over medium heat, stirring constantly.  Remove from heat and add in chocolate chips beating until melted.  Do not overbeat.  Gently fold in vanilla, (then the nuts).  Pour into a 9” square pan or pie pan and chill until firm.

Makes approximately 2 ½ pounds.

 

Posted by: clearspaces60 | October 5, 2016

UNFINISHED BUSINESS

Thinking about unfinished business makes me feel like there is an anchor around my neck, weighting me down, sapping my strength.  I spend more time thinking about it than dealing with it.  This too is draining.  At times it is simple stuff; paying a bill online that is due today or straightening up before company comes, other times it is more difficult and time consuming like preparing for your income tax appointment or cleaning out your fridge.  Unfinished business can apply to many areas in your life; health, home, family, work, school, church or anything else you are interested in or made a commitment to doing.

The most frustrating part for me is when you are ready, willing and able to tackle the work and then you hit a roadblock or get interrupted.  Papers are missing, phone calls go unreturned, e-mails are not answered or some other wrench gets thrown into the works.  While this is all a part of everyday life and for the most part things generally work themselves out- in that very moment, how do we respond?  Honestly, the true question is- how do we react?

When the unfinished business isn’t tangible, then it can be even harder to bring to a conclusion.  Conversations, apologies, standing up for yourself, requesting with assertion what is rightfully yours, can weigh heavily on your mind and heart until there is completion.

I had a situation go on for two years, yes for two years this matter appeared regularly on my To Do lists!  Now I know that some unfinished business goes on for many years, even decades, especially with property, land, family matters.  In my case, Chrysler owed us a refund on the unused portion of a service warranty contract for a van we had traded in for a new Chrysler van. We were told by the finance guy that we had to turn in our original paperwork to the dealer where we purchased the old van, even though that legal entity was no longer in business, we were supposed to drive this paperwork over an hour away to the “new” dealership.  Even though we were buying the van right here at the Chrysler dealership in our hometown!   He also said that we could mail our original paperwork to Chrysler in Michigan.  Well, I couldn’t find the original paperwork, I had a copy and the contract was already on file at Chrysler, confirmed by both a phone call to corporate and the computer in our hometown dealership.  I made phone calls, wrote letters, a few months would go by and I would make more phone calls.  My husband even said, you will never get that refund.  All of this weighed on me and took up far too much time and space in my head.

When I did find the original paperwork, I called again, not wanting to give up my original.  I sent more copies and after two years went by, I got a response that “yes indeed we were due a refund”, $25, not the $800 the computer showed in the Chrysler records. Why?  Because too much time had passed.

Well that was it, we really needed the money at this point in time and I was done.  I knew that we were owed this money so I decided to turn it over to the Universe/Spirit/God.  I said a prayer, decided to take all the actions that were in my power and then LET IT GO!

I was going to let everyone know about this, call the consumer people on local news stations and shout out to the world that we were done with Chrysler because I WAS DONE.  I called the person on the letter and shared all of this with them, then they escalated the call.  I was connected to a woman who started telling me why my refund was only $25 and something inside me broke wide open. Normally I am very patient (at least the beginning of the call) but I was done, I no longer cared as my emotions had reached a pinnacle and we needed this money and knew this multi-billion-dollar corporation could easily send us our refund.

Somewhere in my nonstop explanation, I asked her just what it took to be considered a “Chrysler family” IF three top of the line Town and Country vans, a 300C, a 300M, a Patriot Jeep and a Dodge Durango didn’t cut it over a 16-year period of time?  Then I paused for her answer.  Then she started asking me questions, looking up all of our records, and as I calmed down, her anger grew.  She told me things that I knew were true two years ago.  The finance guy that told me all of this was dead wrong.  He could have and in her opinion, should have, taken care of everything with NO paperwork because it was in the system. She had worked for Chrysler for 20 years and they have never had a policy of turning in your original paperwork to anyone.  The fact that we traded it in for a new van made her even angrier.  She was livid and if she didn’t live in Michigan we would now be best friends. She was processing my correct refund as we talked about our lives, our kids, our vehicles.  All of my anger, frustration and fury dissipated.  She had heard every word I said and validated everything that I knew to be true for the past two years. I asked her if there was someplace I could tell Chrysler what a great employee she was and she said there was no need.  I am sure I have her name written down in my paperwork.  After a year and a half, is there still time to sing her praises?

We had our refund within a week, we received it when we really needed it and I vowed to see unfinished business in a new light.  We can only do what we can do, you hear that all the time, but it is still true. Patience and perseverance are often difficult but do pay off more often than they don’t.  And unfinished business comes in many formats, perhaps acknowledging it is the first step, especially when you don’t know what action step to take.

Now how do I get Chrysler to realize that I belong in those minivan commercials with Jeannie and Jim Gaffigan? I need the money for our son’s college tuition!

P.S.  He is driving a Dodge Dart.

 

 

Posted by: clearspaces60 | August 13, 2016

Clear Spaces to Come

As I look around our home, I see the clear spaces to come.  The desk in the living room, the bathroom counter, the empty hamper, the key dish on the piano, the kitchen table.  His bed will be in a perpetual state of “made”, his dresser will be cleared of Starbucks cups, his floor will be void of clothes and books and homework from the past.  I find myself looking at his giant shoes on the living room floor and thinking, they won’t be there in a couple of weeks.  I won’t be asking him to straighten things up because friends are coming over.

I know there are other clear spaces to come, some I can expect and others that will surprise me.  No more asking him if he needs anything when we go to the store.  Although he is only an hour away so that may come up once in a while.  He has done his own laundry for years but no more coordinating unless he brings it home to do. What have I not anticipated? Our Bengal cat who thinks of him as her Human, how will she react to “their” empty room?  What will my own concerns, worries, wonders, expectations and excitement for his new beginning really feel like after he has moved into his dorm?

Right now I am on this side of it and doing my best to stay present and checking in with these whirlwind emotions.  Excitement and Anxiety are two sides of the same coin.  That’s okay, there are huge adjustments to be made for him and for us. I am working on rolling with it and allowing us all to deal with it as it comes up for us.  Being present and allowing space, that intangible place we all need when things are changing in a big way. I will let you know that is on the other side.  Another clear space to come.

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